HOW TO HEAL FROM FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPS: GHOSTING, FALLOUTS & BETRAYAL
Let’s be real, friendship breakups can hurt a lot more than romantic ones!
There’s no guidebook, no social script, and often no closure. When a friendship ends, especially in painful or confusing ways, it can leave you questioning your worth, your instincts, and your trust in people.
I've experienced three very different types of friendship endings, and each came with its own lesson. Here’s what helped me heal, maybe it’ll help you too.
1. When You Get Ghosted
No texts. No replies. Just silence.
You replay every message and memory, wondering what you did wrong.
What helped:
Resist chasing closure – I had to accept that their silence was my answer. Chasing a response only deepened the wound. Sometimes people don’t want to give you a response. They’re not brave enough, or they don’t know how to communicate making it a whole lot worse. I had a former friend who would say we should do catch ups but never following up, never really told me what went wrong only for her to reach out years later pretending nothing happened. Sometimes, you have to create your own closure. Don’t let it fall in their hands or you’ll lose control!
Grieve it like a loss – Because it is one. Let yourself feel it. I journaled, cried, and even wrote letters I never sent to my former friend. She was my bestfriend throughout highschool up to the first few years of university, and I’m not going to lie, it took about 2 years to get over it but that taught me to heal a whole lot faster for future friendships!
Focus on people who do show up – I leaned into friendships where I felt seen and loved. Even one person who checks in can remind you you’re not alone. The key is to have connections with other people. Never rely on just one person. One person should not be your everything. Not only does that create so much pressure on them, but also makes it harder on you emotionally when they disappoint you or when they’re unavailable to you.
Ghosting doesn’t reflect your value. It reflects their avoidance.
2. When There’s a Fallout
Take ownership without self-blame –Was I perfect? No. But I don’t need to punish myself to learn from it. After one of my fallouts, I kept replaying everything I said, wishing I worded things differently or stayed calmer. But obsessing over my missteps didn’t help me grow, it kept me stuck. I had to remind myself that taking responsibility doesn’t mean carrying the entire blame. It means reflecting, not self-shaming. Two people were involved, and I’m only responsible for my side.
Give space instead of forcing a resolution –Not every bond is meant to be repaired, and that’s okay. There’s such a pressure to fix things, especially when the history runs deep. But I’ve learned that some conflicts aren’t meant to be wrapped up in a perfect little bow. Sometimes, space is the most respectful and loving thing you can offer, to both them and yourself. I used to send long messages trying to explain myself or ask for clarity, but I realised that if they’re not in a place to receive it, it’s just noise.
Be honest about what the friendship was giving you –Sometimes we stay out of loyalty, not alignment. I had a friend I stuck by for what felt like a long time because we had so much history, but if I’m being real, the friendship had started to feel so incredibly heavy. There were too many unspoken mismatched values, and a sense that we were holding on to a past version of us. When it ended, I was sad, but I also felt lighter as if I was free to be completely myself without feeling guilty. Sometimes the end shows you what the friendship was really built on: shared memories, not shared futures.
Some friendships expire when the version of you that bonded with them no longer exists.
3. When a Friend Betrays You
This one still stings. I once stayed over at a friend’s house because she said her mental health was "really down." She begged me not to leave her alone. I said yes, of course. But while I was in the bathroom, she took a photo of my credit card back to front which I only found out a week after! It took me about 6+ months to create new friendships, but even then I became extremely cautious.
What helped:
Stop minimizing what happened – “She was struggling” doesn’t justify what she did. I kept trying to find excuses for her behavior because I didn’t want to believe someone I loved could do that to me. But just because someone is in pain doesn’t give them the right to cause pain. I had to stop downplaying the betrayal just to make sense of it. What she did was manipulative, and it hurt. Acknowledging the truth was the first step in getting my power back.
Forgive yourself for not seeing it sooner –This was one of the hardest parts. I kept asking myself, How could I not know? How did I miss the signs? But the truth is, I saw the signs, I just didn’t want to believe them. I thought being a good friend meant being understanding, patient, and loyal. And it does. But those things should never come at the cost of your safety or dignity. Being kind-hearted doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you gave someone a chance they didn’t deserve.
Rebuild your trust in you –After a betrayal, the hardest thing to trust again isn’t other people,it’s yourself. I started questioning my judgment (Having a bf who called me naive and blamed me at the time didn’t help too. Thank goodness he’s an ex!). It got me thinking…Could I trust my instincts? Were my boundaries too soft? But in time, I realised my gut had been speaking to me all along. I just hadn’t listened. That experience taught me how to set firmer boundaries, how to pause before jumping in, and how to choose my people more wisely. My trust didn’t disappear, it just got smarter.
Being betrayed doesn’t mean you're naive. It means you showed up with love, and someone chose to misuse it.
Final Thoughts
Friendship breakups are hard because they challenge the stories we write about loyalty, love, and connection. But they also teach us what we truly need in a friend: safety, reciprocity, joy, and presence.
Not everyone will walk with you forever. But every ending creates space, for healing, for reflection, and for deeper friendships that feel like home.
If you’re going through one right now, I see you. You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
Good luck,
Lots of love,
Your girl, Liz.